Are You Trapped in Offense?

Offense is a topic that is not discussed much. It’s something we all encounter but we usually don’t navigate this well. It’s hard to be offended because it is such a trap to the soul.  It just doesn’t feel good and then again it does. Let’s be honest, we justify it in the moments but that justification is short-lived and wrong and has serious consequences. 

Just like you, I have gone through offense and been caught in the trap of this sin. It’s hard to be a minister and live a life under the microscope all the time of your peers and family. We all feel it. We all get offended. The Bible says that offense will come. But, we have to deal with it. 

A lot of times the offense makes you feel un-empowered, tainted, guarded, or wounded. You can even feel rejected, hurt and just angry. Have you been there? I have. When we feel this way we feel trapped in these emotions. 

But do we talk about it? No. At least not in a healthy way. We complain about the offense. We talk about it to other people and we brood over what has been done to us or what we experienced. The trap gets deeper. 

Offense is something everyone can see and it covers your whole life. Most of the time when we are confronted we deny we are even offended. We say we are okay but really we are trapped in the offense.

For Christians, offense is typically even harder to overcome. Why? Because we tend to think we are okay or we justify the way we feel. I remember an incident when I got offended. I was at church of all places and having a random conversation with someone when another person approached and interjected into our conversation. The things they said rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel incompetent and misunderstood.

I then proceeded to get angry inside and hurt. I was offended. I felt they were way out of line, rude and everything they said was unnecessary. I made an inner vow to not speak to them again! Offense was now full blown in my heart.

But here was the sad part, I thought I was justified in the way I felt because she shouldn’t have gotten in my conversation. But in my heart this didn’t feel good or right.  

I was just minding my own business, offense came into my atmosphere.  I’m sure this sort of thing happens to you too.

I didn’t ask for offense and neither do you. Usually offense comes upon our lives as an unwelcome visitor who then takes up residence. Sometimes permanent.

So, what do we do when we feel this unwelcoming feeling? How do we handle ourselves? How do we get free from the trap? There are many ways to deal with it but here are three. 

• Recognize you are offended and handle it. Own the offense for what it is.  Don’t live in denial. You will stay stuck in this emotional space until you deal with it. Don’t dismiss the feeling of offense as nothing and try to move on. Don’t lie to yourself. The offense is now in your heart so admit that you are offended. The word of God says that if your heart condemns you, God is not greater than your heart. We know things in our heart can hurt and affect us. Own those things and deal with them. Don’t let offense linger.
• Forgive the offender quickly. Be quick to forgive the offense. Jesus has forgiven us for all the sins we have committed and the ones that others commit against us. The person who offended you is already forgiven by God so it is useless for you to not forgive them also. Sometimes you have to be willing to just let people off the hook.
• Make a decision. Make a decision that you are not going to live a life of offense. You are going to strive to live in a pre-forgiven state. Offense causes us, as women, to become hard and brittle in our hearts. We don’t hear God clearly when we are offended.  Refuse to entertain offense or anything else that will keep you from hearing the voice of God. Give it no place in your life. Believe the best in people.

I had to realize at that moment (which was later) that I was offended and I had to handle it. I had to release the person in my heart. This was not who I wanted to be and I didn’t like the way I felt. I also didn’t like that this was causing me to be bitter against her.

Our goal should be to look like Christ in every area of our life and sometimes that takes a lot of work. Sometimes it takes a lot of dying to self. 

My challenge to you is to take inventory of your life today and see who you are offended with and deal with that. Let it go.  Ask yourself,  is it really worth it? Don’t get caught in this trap. Stay free.

Let me know in the comments below if you are hanging on to an old offense. Share your breakthrough and freedom and how you moved on from that time.