Thoughts of the Heart

Jan 17 

Well, I think I will let the fingers do the talking today. I was trying to figure out what is in my heart the most that I want to share and write about. What is it that gets me going and that I see is a problem in life. Not that I am trying to solve the worlds problems, I am not. I don’t want that job at all. That is God’s. 

I seem to have hit a crossroads in my life. I am feeling a bit lost in what I want to do. Not because I don’t have things to do but because I have so MUCH in my heart I am lost as to what I should really be doing. What direction. Am I doing the best thing. But I think we all come to seasons like this in our lives more than once. We sort of step back and look at our lives and wonder, wonder. Wonder what are we doing and why and should we be doing it.  It is enough. Did I make the right choices?  Have you?

Now don’t get me wrong I have a lot in my heart to do but the life of covid and the way the world is looking is messing up my flow of creativity and life and love of doing things for the past two years. Yea I said it. It’s hard. And, frankly I am tired of hard. But I think we all get tired of hard.  I’m one of those that don’t transition well. Why? Because since the breakdown and pillage of my marriage life has been hard and I am tired. Now, do I press on? Yes. I keep going but Lord I just need some clarity this year. Life just seem so out of sync with my purpose. Maybe its not but it feels that way.

Something feels off. Feels weirdly strange and disconnected with the world. Have you been there?

I’m doing a lot of evaluation of my life looking at my heart, my relationship with God, my thoughts, my dreams, my family. Wondering, wondering.. is this all there is? Will it get better.  Will the storms really clear. Will I move on? Will I see certain things before the end? 

Do I have any answers for these heart questions? No. Not yet. I am just reflecting and wondering asking God a lot of questions. One question is, what is my life all about God? 

I don’t think I will get an answer but I want to know. I feel I need to know. 

Well, my heart is empty now for this blog. See you in the next one. Maybe I will have answers. Maybe I won’t. 

Selah.